This started as a personal journal entry. I was unsure whether I should post it here or not, but I want to share it with you because sometimes we have to know that we’re not alone in our thoughts. If we keep them in we may never know that there are other people feeling the exact same way.  So, here it is in it’s full rawness, my thoughts from the porch!

Birds!
Cherish and enjoy porch time.
Don’t let your coffee get cold.
Plant your flowers.
Clean your garden out.
Spend time with Rebecca.

Enjoy
Produce
Love
Efficiency
Balance
Laziness
Busyness

These are thoughts that run through my head before I even make my first decision. It’s overwhelming.

I love porch time in the morning with coffee, birds and nature. I could do without the traffic though. This time last year we were mostly shut down. You couldn’t hear much traffic noise at all. Now, it doesn’t sound much different than pre-pandemic traffic from what I remember.

I miss pandemic life – is that even ok to think, little alone say aloud? I’m not sure. I want to be honest with myself and those closest to me, but what about the outside world. Will sharing this thought really help people?

Pandemic life was really good for us. We kind of feel bad about that, like we shouldn’t talk about it. Almost ashamed that we didn’t lose a job or hit hard times and embarrassed that we actually flourished. Like our existence shouldn’t be so good.

Is this where self-sabotage comes in? We feel bad about where we are in life or the good things that happen so we have to do something to offset it…to prove that we’re not in that great a place after all.

What if instead, we step into that place God is leading, step in boldly and with confidence in Him? Wouldn’t that be a place God could use…would use? Why do we feel the need to minimize or undo the blessings of God? If God has seen fit to do it, can we rest in the knowledge that we didn’t earn the blessings, but that they were bestowed out of grace, mercy, love and opportunity to bless others? 

Why is it so bad that we feel we must minimize it, or even reject it?

One reason might be because accepting love is even harder when we feel it’s undeserved. But isn’t that exactly what grace and mercy is? So let’s not reject God’s grace and mercy because we haven’t earned it. We never have and never will. Instead, let’s lean into it and learn how to pass it on.